The last several days have been a bit of a roller coaster Off the PCT, largely because of how difficult it is to truly understand Darby's experience On the PCT without actually being there myself. I may have promised myself I would work to be more patient and understanding, but miscommunication/misunderstanding/general lack of awareness of Darby's circumstances apparently outweighed my rational thought this weekend.
After our talk Friday, I assumed he would have service in town on Saturday morning and that I would hear from him. When I didn't hear anything, I started to worry. I knew that if Darby had an opportunity to talk, I'd get a call or a text, and I assumed "trip into town" meant definite cell service and maybe even wifi; so I naturally jumped to the conclusion that I should definitely expect a call. Well, you know what happens when you assume... and, boy, did I assume wrong.
Darby went three days with no service, so for three days, I grew increasingly worried about his health and happiness, and the anxiety became pretty crippling. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, and played over worst case scenarios in my head of what could have happened to him out there in the desert alone. It was terrifying and pretty all consuming thinking about him and having no control or means of communicating to ease my concerns.
To my surprise, when overcome by worry for someone I love so much, I acted like a crazy person (my mother, to be more specific- sorry, mom!). I called every hospital within 50 miles of Mt. Laguna (the town he was supposed to stop in Saturday morning to resupply), checking to see if he had been admitted, and I called the post office as soon as they opened on Monday to make sure he had picked up his package. I just needed to know he was okay, and I couldn't understand why I hadn't heard from him when I had expected a check-in call on Saturday morning.All of this wondering and worrying and generally not knowing made me physically sick and emotionally a bit bonkers. As the lack of sleep and nutrition took hold, I got extra-resourceful (read: crazy): I combed through the aggregation of blogs form the PCT (http://www.pcta.org/journalist/), trying to find any potential reference to Darby, so I could at least know he was safe. Move along, folks; nothing to see here...Just a crazy girl playing a weird version of Where's Waldo, on the hunt for a sign that her adventurous boyfriend is still in one healthy Darby-shaped piece.
I didn't find Darby, but I did read about a Daniel who left the trail around the same time/location that Darby would have been reaching this weekend. For a short period of time, I worried it was Darby, and something had gone terribly wrong (Definitely not the case- Darby is doing just fine and over 70 miles in!). I also found some Darby Doppelgangers in pictures on various trail blogs, and I carefully scrutinized their gear in photos to be sure they weren't, in fact, Darby (spoiler alert: they weren't).
Then, on Monday afternoon, as I was giving up on hearing from him, Darby called! I was not just relieved; I was ecstatic! He was even better than safe, healthy, and still plugging away on the trail; Darby was with a good group of people (Chips, Brianna, Amanda, a German guy, and a nice bearded ski-bum from Colorado who I momentarily saw and spoke to while on FaceTime, but whose trail-name and real name I've already forgotten), and he was having a blast and spending the night in a hotel away from the crazy winds (and potential snow?!) in a town called Julian. The hotel also had "FREE PIES!", Darby explained, so I knew he had landed in a great place for the night. Seeing him in such great shape and with such a genuine, happy smile on, PLUS the added bonus of being able to really talk to him at length (and multiple times! and on FaceTime- thank you, Apple!!)... Relief doesn't begin to describe how I felt. I couldn't have asked for a better surprise at that point, particularly after I had been feeling really sick all day. I confessed what a neurotic and embarrassing worry-wart I had been, and he took it in stride and explained that he had been unsuccessful at getting any cell service until Julian, and the "town" he stopped in Saturday was really not much more than a post office open a few hours a day and a small corner store, not some bustling metropolis with free wi-fi and Starbucks on every corner. I have a much better understanding now of what my communication expectations should be, and I won't be so anxious about his whereabouts moving forward; realistically, we'll talk every 3-4 days depending how fast he's moving (possibly twice that amount of time if the town he stops in next doesn't have great service either). Also, I should work under the assumption that between those calls, no news is good news (unless of course he does get service and I get an unexpected happy surprise call or text!).
I felt pretty ridiculous seeing how anxious and worried I was for nothing. On the upside, through reading other blogs about trail experiences, I developed a clearer sense of exactly what Darby's journey is looking like and will look like in upcoming miles. I'm priding myself on becoming an expert on notable PCT milestones, towns with post offices, and regular Trail Magic/Trail Angel meet up locations so I can cheer him on and supply and support him as he journeys onward. It's also clear from the blogs that Darby is surrounded by truly wonderful and inspiring human beings on the PCT, which is really comforting when I think about him doing this journey alone. As Darby put it, there are 100 people within 10 miles of him, and everyone is close to each other without even really knowing each other because of this incredible connection they share hiking the PCT. With the support of wonderful people on and off the trail, Darby is anything but alone, and I slept much better last night knowing that.
I do miss him already like crazy, though! I can't wait to visit him and experience the trail with him in person. Right now, it's looking like I'll be coming up to meet him (flying into LAX and driving to wherever he is) right after my students finish taking their AP exam, the weekend of May 14th. I'm excited to find my flights and get myself a rental car so we can have our first trail reunion! We're hoping he'll be at around mile 342 by then (Cajon Pass).
Even though it's further away, I'm admittedly even more excited about planning a longer trip, where I get to join him on the trail and suffer through long, exhausting days, weird trail food, and outdoor poop breaks by his side (though hopefully not literally for that last one). When we FaceTimed yesterday and I could see how happy and relaxed and confident he was out there while adventuring and making new friends, I was reminded of why I fell for him in the first place (not that I ever forget, really). It's definitely a challenge not seeing him or talking to him regularly, but finally seeing that fulfillment and bliss all over his face was indescribably comforting to me after a weekend of worrying. I'm going to hold on to that feeling and picture that satisfied smile every time I'm missing him between phone calls.
Now that my expectations have been adjusted, time for a full update on our progress On and Off the PCT!This map gives an idea of how far Darby has gone, and how much left of the trail awaits him! If he keeps up his current pace, he should be averaging around 100 miles a week. He is about 2.6% done with the PCT. Really crazy to think about, and it definitely puts the size of this beast in perspective. I am so inspired by him and his drive to take on this adventure. When we talked about the weekend reunion in a few weeks, I offered to drop him off a little ways up the trail if he was worried about losing time while off the trail on zero days (zero miles walked), but he insisted he leave a trail of footsteps from Mexico to Canada and refused any shortcuts. How can you not respect this commitment and drive?! Total rockstar.
As for the physical challenges so far, Darby has faced lots of rough winds, layering everything in dust and sand (which he could even feel crunch between his teeth in the morning when he woke up after breathing it in all night as he slept), hot days and really cold nights, long breaks between water sources (need to carry more water = heavier backpack), and steep persistent inclines aggravating his hip. Don't worry, though; he's making smart choices to not overexert or injure himself at this point, and he's feeling pretty great so far!
It's helping that he's making great friends and meeting such awesome people as he travels. They play games on the long stretches (like karaoke sing-alongs), and they keep each other entertained and supported, by sharing necessities, treats, and stories as they journey up the trail. I can see him growing and feel his joy and pride with each detail he shares with me. Jealous though I may be at times to not be out there with him, I really couldn't be happier for him and all that he is experiencing and accomplishing.
As for my goals, I'm plugging away at them, too! I went skydiving on Saturday and made some huge improvements on freefly jumps with new friends at a dropzone that's still pretty new to me (DeLand). I'm definitely getting more comfortable sitflying, and I can feel myself getting stronger to keep more control of my body in the sky. I also ran into one of Darby's favorite people ever, Peter Bainey (a really "complete person", as Darby put it), and we had some good talks while on the packing mat after a jump. He told me to slip a bottle of Darby's favorite alcohol or favorite treat for the trail (Snickers) in the next box I send, with a note from him on it, I assured him I would happily do so. After 3 really great jumps and some relaxed, fun-filled socializing, I had an awesome Saturday and made plans to return to DeLand to fly again as soon as possible (this weekend, perhaps..?). I really can't wait to jump with my favorite skydiver when he gets back in 4.5 months, though!
On Sunday, I had my first coaching block with Carney in the tunnel, and let me just say- It. Was. AWESOME. With Darby, I feel comfortable enough to chicken out sometimes of things that scare me in the tunnel. I don't know Carney well enough yet to back out of something he suggests I try, so I ended up trying tons of new things and really surprising myself. I even tried carving and wasn't terrible at it! Darby would have been SO proud of how far I've come since he first started working with me on sitflying in the tunnel; I really wish he could have seen it. I had to pull out this old photo, thinking about how valuable all of Darby's coaching has been for my flying. Carney would give me an instruction to try something, and because of all of the drills Darby had me do on the net to build muscle memory, and because of the massive amount of time spent coaching me in the tunnel generally, I was surprised that I could actually do most of what Carney wanted me to try! Carney is an awesome instructor, but I also have to make sure Darby gets credit for putting me in a position to succeed and to make the time with Carney as productive as possible, and I can't thank him enough.
Other things I'm working on re: goal achievement: I want to pick out a recipe or two to try out the dehydrator and send a really awesome package of goodies to Darby by the time he gets to Idyllwild (mile 179). I have about a week to get it made, shipped, and delivered to that post office to be waiting for him and guarantee delivery, so any speedy suggestions on what to try out first are welcome! I'm leaning toward beef jerky, fruit roll ups, and a dehydrated meal for dinner for starters... But we'll see what happens! I'll also be baking up some of his favorites to throw in that package since I felt a little guilty that the last package (which he picks up in Warner Springs on his next stop) is just a bunch of pre-made stuff I threw in from the store because I was in such a rush to get it shipped off in time. This package needs a little extra TLC, especially in case there's no service at this town and we end up going another week without communication. Fingers crossed I hear a little something from him, but if not I'll just keep sending happy thoughts his way and doing whatever I can to be productive On and Off the Trail.
Last but not least- I'm most excited to get to check off the goal of visiting Darby on the trail soon!! I'll be buying my plane ticket tonight when fares are lower (I'm told Tuesday and Wednesday nights have the lowest fares!). I'll update after my next catch up with Darby, when I can share how far we're both coming with our goals and growth.
Happy Trails!
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