To start with, Darby shared some fun updates from the PCT:
Darby hit 400 miles early this week! To make that accomplishment even more impressive, Darby hit that mile marker after he accidentally trudged his way up a very tricky mountain and added several miles to his journey in the process. The trail marker is easy to miss (or absent still? http://www.pcta.org/discover-the-trail/trail-condition/broken-marker-trail-delineation-needed-section-d-mile-388/), and Darby found himself at the summit of Mount Williamson around mile 389, instead of descending down the PCT. He's always one to take the road less traveled, and he loves a challenge, so it isn't all that surprising (and I actually wonder whether he subconsciously chose this route because it's almost been a little too easy for him thus far...).
Unfortunately, I came across some sad news while reading other PCT blogs; Darby's trail friend, OB, had to leave the trail because he had apparently been walking on a broken foot for a few days, assuming it was only sprained. OB's predicament serves as a reminder of the potential for injury that Darby faces on a regular basis. All of the hikers on the trail put their bodies through so much stress and endure fairly consistent pain or discomfort to pursue their shared goal of finishing the PCT. The mental strength required to keep going, day in and day out, is just as impressive to me as the physical strength that they have to rely on throughout their journey. I'm continuously relieved and impressed that Darby is always in such great spirits despite all of the challenges that I know he has faced, is continuing to face, and will face for the next 2200~ miles.
Darby is currently doing well (as usual!). He picked up his package at Hiker Heaven in Agua Dulce today after a long 28 mile hike yesterday and cowboy camping 2 miles outside of town by the road (looks luxurious, I know). So far, Hiker Heaven is living up to its name: there are 70+ happy hikers there, everyone is eating, drinking, and relaxing, Darby's getting a ride to REI to get new insoles for his shoes, and ---- wifi and cell service! Looking forward to getting more time to catch up with him later since his next few days look to be service-less.
As for life off the trail this week, I find myself connecting with a struggle contemplated by thru hikers on the PCT, but in a broader and more metaphorical sense: weight vs. utility- how do you strike the proper balance of what to keep and what to ditch when trying to simplify life, and what does this "balance" look like for each individual?
On the PCT, the weight vs. utility debate is about what to carry in your pack. The gear analysis and base weight determinations are typically contemplated months in advance of embarking on the PCT, as evidenced by Darby's preparation: http://darbyonthepct.blogspot.com/2016/02/the-gear-that-im-bringing.html. Trying to decide what to bring with you and how to minimize weight is an important part of trail preparation, especially in consideration of long waterless stretches that require you to carry more water (=lots more weight!), and usually when it's hottest and you're out in the middle of the desert and unprotected by shade.
Darby put so much thought into this determination, he actually cut his tooth brush, trimmed extra plastic off his water bottles, and removed anything and everything excessive that could add weight to his pack. When he left, his base weight was around 7 lbs! He considered every ounce that could be added to his weight, knowing that those ounces add up, and he made decisions based on need. This preparation has served him really well and contributed to his fast pace, since he's had to carry so much less than most others on the trail. Others have chosen to carry different items or add weight in ways that Darby didn't because they found the utility of the items they chose were worth the added weight. Sometimes, trial and error on the trail changes the minds of hikers, and people find themselves ditching items in hiker boxes or shipping things home when their utility can't justify their weight. In other cases, people choose to add weight later on if/when they feel like they're missing something they chose to forgo originally but later realized are worth the added weight. The items can be vital (such as carrying bear canisters for food after leaving Kennedy meadows, or bringing an ice ax for the Sierras), or personal items with sentimental value worth carrying, or they can simply be extra consumables worth the temporary added weight until consumed (like celebratory drinks or extra desserts for big mile markers and special occasions).
The common trail mantra is "hike your own hike", and each hiker makes personal choices regarding the weight vs. utility analysis. Some choose to carry greater weight and accept the physical burden in favor of the utility or comfort (physical or emotional) provided by something they choose to bring with them. Some, like Darby, take the minimalist approach and simplify as much as possible in favor of carrying a less burdensome load.
This week, I packed up and moved the rest of my belongings into my place in Orlando. As I packed, I looked around at all of the stuff I've accumulated, and I thought about this weight vs. utility equation I keep reading about on PCT blogs. This is my fourth move this year, and I still have way too much unnecessary stuff. While packing things up for the fourth time, I ended up selling or giving away a bunch of things that weren't worth the weight.
Some of those decisions were easy: no one needs 5 plain black t shirts (even if the collars or shades of black are slightly different); no one needs 6 black tank tops; I definitely don't need the same collared shirt in every color it's made in, no matter how much my mom loved the first one she saw on me (which prompted her to buy the rest of the color options as holiday gifts)- and this is especially true if the tags are still on them!
Some decisions were a little trickier. On the trail, it's strictly about necessity; you can only carry what you can fit on your back and still hike (relatively) comfortably wearing, so you whittle down your weight to what feels truly necessary, whatever your reasons for needing the items you're packing. Off the trail, with more places to put things, it's easier to fall into this trap of amassing things for sentimental or fleeting reasons, and it's hard to let go or make the time to just weed through things and eliminate things that just waste space.
I have cleaned out my closet at least a half dozen times this year (with the multiple moves, and with Darby's sister, Bekkah, and sister in law, Caroline, assisting in improving my wardrobe by getting rid of everything that went out of fashion 10-15 years ago); and yet, I still find myself with clothes I haven't worn in over a year and will likely never wear again (or ever, for those items that still have tags on them). I thought about why I've held on to some of these things. In some cases, it's because I'm a saver. I mean this in the sense that when I buy something I absolutely love, I save it for a very special occasion because I'm afraid I'll ruin it before such a special occasion arises. Usually, no occasion ever feels special enough, and my favorite article of clothing never gets worn. I thought about what this "saving" pattern says about my self esteem, and I realized it means two things: 1) I don't trust myself not to ruin things (to be fair, I am hopelessly messy/uncoordinated when eating, and I did earn the nickname Calamity Jane as a kid because of my proclivity for falling/injuring myself/breaking things); and 2) I need to work on my sense of self worth so I don't need a special occasion to wear something that makes me feel my best. In other cases, I hold on to things because I'm convinced there will come a day when I will want or need a particular article of clothing (either because they're for a larger version of me, and I fear putting back on weight that I lost last year; or because I'm convinced the other similar go-to item in my closet will disappear or be destroyed by me, and I will need this nearly identical item to replace it on that ill-fated day. Seriously, I have two identical pairs of my favorite pair of pants, just in case my regular pair gets destroyed somehow and the store never makes those pants again). Question I asked myself after contemplating these relics in my closet: why am I so worried something bad will happen?
What started out as a simple move from West Palm Beach to Orlando first transitioned into a contemplation of weight vs. utility, then became a journey to eliminate things that are weighing me down physically and metaphorically, and it finally resulted in a reflection on myself and the conclusion that I need to make some changes to better myself.
The pep talk I have since given myself: 1) stop worrying so much. All that worrying is just adding extra unnecessary weight, and no one needs extra weight - on or off the trail; 2) be kinder to yourself and have more confidence in your abilities! All that self-doubt is just adding even more extra weight and holding you back from being the best version of yourself! Goal to keep in mind: stay Darby-level positive and keep moving forward!
Overall, this week was pretty positive off the trail, in that it really helped me do some more self-reflection toward self-improvement. Self-improvement is tricky, though. I was catching up with one of my closest friends today, Gabi, and I discovered that my effort to be a better friend has actually made me a more distant friend and hurt our friendship. My sister gave me some advice a while back to listen more and talk less with friends, so I've been trying to do that; asking how people are doing and not openly sharing as much unless specifically asked about thing for the most part. However, in the process, entire chunks of my life have ended up kept from Gabi because she couldn't possibly know to ask about something that I wasn't bringing up without being prompted. She didn't even know that Darby and I are dating! I felt so dumbstruck and silly for this completely unnecessary oversight. I assumed I had told her at some point, and when we would catch up and she didn't ask about it, I didn't bring it up because I assumed it was boring or she didn't want to chat about him; apparently I never even told her- so how could she know to ask how things were going? That was a giant wake up call that perhaps I should start working on a better balance. Friendship isn't 100% listening, just like it isn't 100% talking; it should be a nice even mix so real bonding and sharing can occur. If you're reading this Gabi, sorry I dropped the ball! I'll work on this 50/50 friendship mix (the message I wrote on treats sent to Darby on the trail comes to mind: Sharing is caring! Time to take my own advice!)
Lastly, a final update from off the trail regarding my health: saw the new doctor today yesterday. He was pretty brisk and not exactly a warm and fuzzy, hold your hand, A+ bedside manner kind of guy on his first impression. However, he got me right in for a colonoscopy this morning, so he was moving forward- which I definitely appreciate! The prep last night was atrocious. I got violently ill, lots of vomiting (sorry for the details), and was worried it didn't work since I didn't keep it down and I'd have to reschedule and drink the nasty prep stuff again. Thankfully, Darby had cell service on his little patch of land by the road last night, and he comforted me over the phone and made me feel a lot better while I suffered through the night. I was also really relieved this morning to find out that the doctor would go ahead with the procedure. As an added bonus, my good friend Taylor W. dropped everything to be my ride to and from the surgical center. She kept me well entertained on the way there with pictures of birds and wildlife that she has been taking on walks around central Florida, and I'm dying to go with her next time to get some good outdoor exercise and be around nature again.
As for this morning's procedure, the new doctor, Dr. Levine with Center for Digestive Health in Orlando, made an AMAZING second impression. Not only was the entire office incredible to me from the moment I stepped in the door, but Dr. Levine was both kind and clearly on top of his game as soon as I got into the procedure room. The first thing he said to me was that he had considered my goal to be able to do some of the trail with Darby later this summer, and it gave him lots of ideas and ruled out some medications because of the need to refrigerate those medications. I really appreciated that he went home and thought about my case and how best to help me and my particular needs and goals. The colonoscopy went okay... I woke up from a nice little nap and was told my colitis had in fact spread and was worse than in December, but Dr. Levine had a plan! I have new meds to start tonight and see him again next week to check in and hopefully keep moving forward. Fingers crossed I start seeing some improvement and not too many side effects! With any luck, I'll be able to visit Darby on the trail by end of July or August and hike part of Oregon or Washington with him. I'm definitely looking forward to his break from the trail and visit home (because of my health, it's looking like this vacation will have to be a staycation and Belize will be put on hold), and will hopefully be feeling much better by the time he gets back!
Current mood: Darby level positive +1 ; Chilly level tired 
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